I Came across this testimony I wrote a couple of Years ago at my baptism , It was so good to see it again. I remember that day so vividly, I knew that the lord was going to take me deeper into my relationship with him and nurture the woman he wants me to become.
In my younger years I was always a people pleaser, I spent most of my life not knowing who I was. When I came back to God I knew he wanted to show me his vision of the woman he wants me to be, my vision had always been focused on Love , I spent my life thinking that having a partner/Husband was my identity. That somehow being married meant id made it, that I was accepted. Of course that became the complete opposite when my christian marriage failed. I found myself on my own again, traumatized, feeling like the biggest failure
and most unworthy person I had ever been.
Over the last year God has really dug deep into the roots, i'm pretty sure he's not finished. At times it was painful, Brutal to be totally honest. He showed me parts of myself that needed to be highlighted so that he could deal with the areas of my life that I clung onto. Some unknowingly, some that i'd hidden away for such a long time. Tearing down the old mindsets and building up the new based on Gods Promises and his word which is unchanging and meant for every single one of us. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God. He wants the best for our lives and will work in the background and share with us his love on a day by day, minute by minute basis. We are like children aren't we, he wants us to trust him with our hearts. I'm in a better place than I was a year ago and this following testimony was written 3 years ago . As time goes on the woman I was becomes a distant memory and in place is a woman who is on a journey to discover what the lord has for me. God has the power to change us from the inside out. I don't carry the shame that once laid heavy on my shoulders. I continue to look toward Jesus.
Listen to his voice, learn and trust that He has a plan for your life. For all our Lives. He is all we need and know he will never leave us or forsake us. His love is knows no bounds. What a wonderful God he is. Don't think he doesn't feel the same way about you because he so does. I promise you.
I hope this blesses you.
If I gave you my life story, words like abandonment, rejection, abuse, fear, and exploitation would come up.
My reaction to those experiences would be followed with words like, addiction, self-abuse, unworthiness, brokenness, despair, despite the traumas I have experienced, I am blessed to know some wonderful people who have stood by me throughout – But I have known a world without God, I have seen its ability to destruct with my own eyes and have felt its harsh reality and hatred.
I have seen the world with God in it as well. The beauty of its creation, and the amazing capacity for people to love and forgive. For me, the choice is to live with God in my life. Not because I am weak, but because I am strong. I have had a fighting spirit in me since I was a child. My father told me about Jesus when I was 4 years old, whilst on our way to live in a children’s home. I’ve had a resilience and a determination to live despite the odds having been stacked against me.
Throughout my whole life I have been told I’m weird, unusual, different, ridiculed for not fitting in ….I am me, unique , and yet my story resonates throughout the world we live in, Thousands, if not millions of people can relate to the very same experiences I have, I stand tall with those words.
I am thankful to my parents for their faith. It was faith that instilled the beliefs in me, strong enough to be able to break through the barriers I'd put up after 30 years of going it alone…. like a light that flickered but never went out. I understood that throughout the devastation, God was always with me. It was I that was looking in the other direction, and couldn’t hear him calling.
One Sunday, many months ago there was a call out for prayer for healing for sickness, if anyone had a bad back – or a pain – whilst I didn’t have anything like that I felt an urge to step forward. Our church pastor came over to me and asked me what I needed healing for –I told him I had a broken heart, it had been damaged so much that I could feel it within me. Something had prompted me to come forward. He prayed and as I walked back to my seat - I felt a change in my heart – the physical manifestation of heartache I'd been carrying for so many years had gone, it just disappeared - it was replaced with an overwhelming sense of peace that I had been searching for throughout my life’s journey. That peace remains with me now, This and so many other things that have happened leaves me in no doubt as to the reality of Jesus. I’d like to share with you a quick prayer that sums up what I feel about God and what he has done for me. This is what he wants to do for us all. Jesus spent time with drunks, prostitutes, addicts and the downtrodden. But his message is also for the rich, the murderers, the abusers, the powerful, the famous, the politicians, the complacent. His message is for all of mankind. We are called to love one another – even those who hurt us the most. I will spend the rest of my life trying to get that right.
So here’s my Prayer
You are my love oh lord.
My heart swells with adoration and wonder at your brilliance and almighty power.
You reign in my heart forever.
There is nothing greater than you.
Omnipotent lord, prince of peace, king of kings.
You are my all, my everything.
You have mended my heart and put me back together,
I will praise you always, for my breath only exists because of you.
Where there was darkness there is light,
Where there was bondage, I am now free.
Only you could cleanse me and make me new.
Thank you for the life you have given me
Thank you for making me see.
It is you Christ Jesus that brings me joy
Knowing you makes me feel worthy where the world has not.
Praise you lord for your mercy.
Thank you for all the people present in my life
Thank you for the people I am yet to meet
Today I declare I am a follower of Jesus.
Today I declare I am a warrior for Christ.
Forever and Ever – Amen